Show Me Character
4-H Character Connections

Fairness Character Connection

“That’s not fair!!” Sound familiar? It’s commonly heard from people of all ages. We often think of situations that put us at a disadvantage as “unfair.” Although some decisions are clearly unfair, the fact is that there is usually more than one fair choice.

Being fair means you:

• Play by the rules
• Take turns and share
• Keep an open-mind and listen to others
• Avoid taking advantage of others.

Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers
How can I teach my very young child about fairness? Remember, young children are very impressionable. They watch everything you do. If they see you following the rules, sharing with and listening to others and not placing blame, they will likely follow your example. It is important that you model the behavior you want to see in your child.

One important way to build a foundation for teaching fairness is by listening. When your baby babbles, copy her sounds. Not only are you encouraging language development but also character development. Infants who are listened to will learn they are important and valuable and they will be likely to listen to others when they are older.

Fairness is not easy for toddlers to understand. There are a number of things you can do to help them.

1. Listen
   Get down on their level so they know you are listening.
2. Share
   Toddlers love to hand toys and other objects to adults which is an early form of sharing.
3. Rules
   Some of the first rules toddlers learn revolve around safety (don’t touch the stove). This helps set boundaries and helps them begin to understand fairness.

The number of rules may increase as your toddler becomes a preschooler. It is also a good idea to involve them in setting some of the rules.

Fairness Relay Activity
Help your child understand the importance of taking turns by having a relay. Explain that it is important that everyone gets a turn and that we encourage others when they are doing something. Here are some relay suggestions:

1. Blow a balloon or feather across the room.
2. Carry a ping-pong ball in a large spoon across the room.
3. Balance a feather on your head and walk across the room.

School-Age, Middle School and Teens
As your child gets older, issues of fairness will be a part of daily life. Help your child to understand that decisions should be made carefully, honestly and objectively. Make sure she understands that you want fairness from her just as she wants fairness from you and others.

Again, modeling fairness is one of the best ways to teach fairness to your child – no matter their age. Since applying the rules of fairness is not always easy or clear, it is important that your child see you making the effort to be open, honest and objective in making decisions.

Walk a Mile Activity
Select an issue or topic you and your child are both interested in – it might be something you have heard on the news or read in the paper. For example, a talented high school basketball player moves into your school during mid-season and promptly replaces one of the original starting five. Discuss the issues from all points of view and consider closely the issues of fairness.

Adapted from materials written for US Army Child and Youth Services and USDA Cooperative State Research, Education, and Extension Service.

CHARACTER COUNTS® and the Six Pillars of Character are service marks of the CHARACTER COUNTS!® Coalition, a project of the Josephson Institute of Ethics.