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4-H Character Connections

Trustworthiness Character Connection

“I trust you.” Doesn’t it feel great when you know people trust you? Have you ever thought about how you get someone’s trust? You can’t just tell them you are trustworthy. Trust is earned one trustworthy deed at a time, but it can be lost very quickly.

Trustworthiness means:

• Being reliable; do what you say you’ll do
• Having the courage to do the right thing
• Being loyal; stand by your friends
• Being honest
• Not deceiving, cheating or stealing

Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers
Teaching your child to be trustworthy doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it is something you should model every day. How do you do that? Consistent interaction. Infants have the capacity to learn from others. The first years of life are trust-building years. Every time you respond quickly and appropriately to your infant’s cries, coos and smiles you are building trust. Children who learn to trust others will build trustworthy characteristics in themselves.

Toddlers need to learn simple rules (don’t touch, etc); they are very interested in property rights (mine!); and they need to see you being consistent. Patience and persistence will help your toddler develop trustworthiness.

Your preschooler can learn about telling the truth, respecting property of others and following through. When you pay attention to and model these behaviors every day, your child will develop into a trustworthy individual.

School-Age, Middle School and Teens
Trust is an especially big deal to a teenager. Teen relationships are vulnerable to real and perceived betrayals of trust. Help your teen understand that trust has two sides. One is to trust, to have faith and confidence in the intentions and actions of others – to believe that he will do the right thing. The other is to be trustworthy – to demonstrate by words and acts that people can trust him

Your child should understand that trustworthiness is a complicated idea but it is essential to meaningful relationships, long-lasting friendships, and successful associations in school and in the workplace. Talk to your child about the four major qualities of trustworthiness and discuss situations that you both face that challenge each of these qualities.

Integrity – being true to yourself and living up to your highest and best personal values

Honesty – telling the truth and doing what is right even if no one else is doing it

Promise-keeping – keeping your word and being dependable

Loyalty – standing by, sticking up for and protecting family, friends and country; being a good friend and looking out for those who care about you

Tower of Trust Activity
“Towers of trust are built stone by stone; yet no tower is so tall or so strong that it can stand when lies and deceptions undermine the stones at its base.” Talk about this quote with your child. Each of you think about individual actions that build trust and those actions that erode trust. For example, trust builders might be: meeting curfew, coming to watch your teen play ball; going to work on time. Trust eroders might be: saying homework is completed when it really isn’t, promising to help with a school project and then not helping or leaving the car windows open when you were asked to close them.

Adapted from materials written for US Army Child and Youth Services and USDA Cooperative State Research, Education, and Extension Service.

CHARACTER COUNTS® and the Six Pillars of Character are service marks of the CHARACTER COUNTS!® Coalition, a project of the Josephson Institute of Ethics.